Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARDThey tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
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Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
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Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
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I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
LEWIS GRIZZARD