Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
LEWIS GRIZZARDThey tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
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I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
LEWIS GRIZZARD