They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARDElvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
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The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
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It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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Spring time is the land awakening.
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Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
LEWIS GRIZZARD