When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
LEWIS GRIZZARDI get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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Spring time is the land awakening.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
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Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
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There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
LEWIS GRIZZARD