They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARDIf you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
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I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
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I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
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Spring time is the land awakening.
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If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
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It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
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Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
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Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
LEWIS GRIZZARD