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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

Lewis Grizzard

I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Letters Marriage Myself People Possible Woman
Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Change Different Language Talk Understand Word
Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Feeling Goodness Myself
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Farm Grow Money Tree
The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Football Game Life Opportunity Problem Score Yourself
Spring time is the land awakening.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Awaken Land Time
It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Better Children Death News Politics Slow
Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Crazy Discussion Ideas Male Open Relationship Yourself
There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Identity Personality South
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Change Dog Leadership Life Race
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Attitude Call Cat Dog Myself Yourself
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Delight Improvement Life Occasion Sick Study Way
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Alone Fact Family Marriage Myself Sleep
It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Difficult Eat Happiness Thinking
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Food Time Wrong Yourself
Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Animal Difference Sex

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

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