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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Lewis Grizzard

I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Letters Marriage Myself People Possible Woman
Mama had an appreciation of the language. She taught me a love of words, of how they should be used and how they can fill a creative soul with a passion and lead to a life’s work.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Creativity Language Life Passion Soul Teaching Work
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Choice Gift Home Marriage Myself Woman
There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Dirty Hard Inheritance Reality Sex Yourself
Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Feeling Goodness Myself
I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Myself Restaurant Smoking
You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Attitude Call Cat Dog Myself Yourself
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Farm Grow Money Tree
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Family Grow Home Myself Small
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Life Sexuality Sick
Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Crazy Discussion Ideas Male Open Relationship Yourself
They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Heart Myself
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Alone Fact Family Marriage Myself Sleep
If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Change Dog Leadership Yourself
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Death Delight Improvement Life Occasion Sick Study Way
It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
LEWIS GRIZZARD

Better Children Death News Politics Slow

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Lewis Grizzard Quotes