The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
LEWIS GRIZZARDThe game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
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Spring time is the land awakening.
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You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
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Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
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If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
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I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
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It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
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Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD