Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.
JOSEPH HELLERWhat do you do when it rains?” The captain answered frankly. “I get wet.
More Joseph Heller Quotes
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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I don’t understand the process of imagination-though I know that I am very much at its mercy.
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You’re an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I’m an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I’m in an ideal position to appreciate it.
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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I’ve only had four ideas for a novel in my life, and I’ve written all of them.
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Be glad you’re even alive. Be furious you’re going to die.
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Well, he died. You don’t get any older than that.
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It doesn’t make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who’s dead.
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Where were you born?” “On a battlefield,” [Yossarian] answered. “No, no. In what state were you born?” “In a state of innocence.
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The enemy is anybody who’s going to get you killed, no matter which side he is on.
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The villains will come along. There were plenty in the Carter administration, and there will be plenty with Reagan.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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They agreed that it was neither possible nor necessary to educate people who never questioned anything.
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Mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
JOSEPH HELLER