If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
JOAN RIVERSMaybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
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Here’s a Thanksgiving tip. Generally, your turkey is not cooked enough if it passes you the cranberry sauce.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
JOAN RIVERS