When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERSMaybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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If you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
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I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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