If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
JOAN RIVERSDon’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
-
-
The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERS -
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
JOAN RIVERS -
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERS -
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS -
Old age is always ten years more than we are.
JOAN RIVERS -
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
JOAN RIVERS -
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
JOAN RIVERS -
I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERS -
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
JOAN RIVERS -
The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
JOAN RIVERS -
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
JOAN RIVERS -
Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS -
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS -
I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
JOAN RIVERS






