I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERSDon’t worry about the money. Love the process.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS