Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERSA study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS