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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

Joan Rivers

Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
JOAN RIVERS

Believe Fashion Myself Respect Woman
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS

Eat Food Yourself
With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Female Need Wisdom Yourself
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Humor Husband Marriage Myself
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
JOAN RIVERS

Adventure Excitement Laughter Moments Travel Worst Yourself
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Man Marriage Responsibility Sex Woman
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, “Marry him, you’ll double your wardrobe.”
JOAN RIVERS

Date Fashion Marriage Mom Myself
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Man Marriage Responsibility Sex Woman
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
JOAN RIVERS

Bond Daughter Family Mom Myself Relationship Talk Yourself
You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.
JOAN RIVERS

Animal Start Time Yourself
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
JOAN RIVERS

Day Expectation Life Yourself
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
JOAN RIVERS

Forget Herself Movie Remember Role
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Man Mistake Woman
I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
JOAN RIVERS

Better Grief Myself
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERS

Fools Laughter Yourself
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERS

Born Myself Room

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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