In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
H. L. MENCKENEvery normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
More H. L. Mencken Quotes
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A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
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Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
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Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule—and both commonly succeed, and are right.
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There are two impossibilities in life: “just one drink” and “an honest politician.”
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The only good bureaucrat is one with a pistol at his head. Put it in his hand and it’s good-bye to the Bill of Rights.
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The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
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It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
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The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one’s time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
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The best teacher is not the one who knows most but the one who is most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and wonderful.
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Journalism is to politician as dog is to lamp-post.
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Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
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Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
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Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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There is no idea so stupid that you can’t find a professor who will believe it.
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It doesn’t take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.
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People do not expect to find chastity in a whorehouse. Why, then, do they expect to find honesty and humanity in government, a congeries of institutions whose modus operandi consists of lying, cheating, stealing, and if need be, murdering those who resist?
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A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
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For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
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A professional politician is a professionally dishonorable man. In order to get anywhere near high office he has to make so many compromises and submit to so many humiliations that he becomes indistinguishable from a streetwalker.
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When somebody says it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.
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Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.
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Always remember this: If you don’t attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
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Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
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The final test of truth is ridicule. Very few dogmas have ever faced it and survived.
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No one in this world, so far as I know – and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me – has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.
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Freedom of press is limited to those who own one.
H. L. MENCKEN