Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
FRAN LEBOWITZChildren are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
FRAN LEBOWITZNo animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZEven when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
FRAN LEBOWITZNever relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
FRAN LEBOWITZAll God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
FRAN LEBOWITZI must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
FRAN LEBOWITZContrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
FRAN LEBOWITZThe conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
FRAN LEBOWITZThe telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
FRAN LEBOWITZRomantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
FRAN LEBOWITZStand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZIf you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
FRAN LEBOWITZYou can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
FRAN LEBOWITZVery few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
FRAN LEBOWITZIn the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
FRAN LEBOWITZ