The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECKI am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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He who laughs lasts.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK