When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECKFriends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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He who laughs lasts.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECK