He who laughs lasts.
ERMA BOMBECKFriends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Children make your life important.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK