Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
ERMA BOMBECKOne thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Children make your life important.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK