It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
ERMA BOMBECKOne thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECK