Children make your life important.
ERMA BOMBECKHe who laughs lasts.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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He who laughs lasts.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECK







