When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECKHe who laughs lasts.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
ERMA BOMBECK







