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If it wasn’t for Abe Lincoln, I’d still be on the open market.

Dick Gregory

No kid in the world, no woman in the world should ever raise a hand against a no-good daddy. That’s already been taken care of: A Man Who Destroys His Own Home Shall Inherit the Wind.
DICK GREGORY

Children Destroy Father Hands Man Wind Woman World
My belief is, you know, certain things have to be explained that’s never been explained.
DICK GREGORY

Belief Explanation Myself
My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.
DICK GREGORY

Death Live Mom Myself Yourself
They told me there was very little racial prejudice in Hawaii. Like a woman is just a little bit pregnant.
DICK GREGORY

Myself Pregnant Woman
Makes you wonder. When I left St. Louis, I was making five dollars a night. Now I’m getting $5,000 a week — for saying the same things out loud I used to say under my breath.
DICK GREGORY

Breathe Night Wonderful Yourself
I used to get letters saying, ‘I didn’t know black children and white children were the same.’
DICK GREGORY

Black Children Myself Oppression
The only good thing about the good old days is they’re gone.
DICK GREGORY

Goodness Past
You know, I always say white is not a color, white is an attitude, and if you haven’t got trillions of dollars in the bank that you don’t need, you can’t be white.
DICK GREGORY

Attitude Money Need Yourself
You know why Madison Avenue advertising has never done well in Harlem? We’re the only ones who know what it means to be Brand X.
DICK GREGORY

Oneself Secret Yourself
America will tolerate the taking of a human life without giving it a second thought. But don’t misuse a household pet.
DICK GREGORY

Animal Human Life Tolerance
It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn’t stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
DICK GREGORY

Black Dance Law Sing Talk Writing
Revolution ain’t nothing but an extent of evolution; Evolution is a fact of nature.
DICK GREGORY

Nature Revolution
If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine off the market for six days, they’d have to bring out the tanks to control you.
DICK GREGORY

Alcohol Control Yourself
When you’ve got something really good, you don’t have to force it on people. They will steal it!
DICK GREGORY

Force Goodness People Yourself
Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.
DICK GREGORY

Difference Grow Up Mindset Poor
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
DICK GREGORY

Funny Lost Money Myself Weapon

If it wasn’t for Abe Lincoln, I’d still be on the open market.

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If it wasn’t for Abe Lincoln, I’d still be on the open market.

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