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If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine off the market for six days, they’d have to bring out the tanks to control you.

Dick Gregory

Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.
DICK GREGORY

Fight Job Yourself
I’m not a comic. I’m a humorist.
DICK GREGORY

Career Laughter Myself
I tell people, ‘If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.’
DICK GREGORY

Home Myself People
Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother’s milk.
DICK GREGORY

Food Mom
I used to get letters saying, ‘I didn’t know black children and white children were the same.’
DICK GREGORY

Black Children Myself Oppression
Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
DICK GREGORY

Beginning Forget Marriage Politics Promise Relationship
Did you know that in New Orleans they still have brown bag parties? What’s that, you ask? You and I go to a party, and when we get to the door, there’s a brown bag hanging down from the ceiling, and if our skin is darker than the brown bag, we can’t go in.
DICK GREGORY

Darkness Oppression Ourselves Skin Togetherness Yourself
It’s cool to be healthy.
DICK GREGORY

Health Instagram Captions One Liner
In America, with all of its evils and faults, you can still reach through the forest and see the sun. But we don’t know yet whether that sun is rising or setting for our country.
DICK GREGORY

Deep Evil Ourselves See Sun Yourself
I personally believe breathatarianism to be the highest mode of human living breathing in pure air, absorbing the direct light and energies of the sun, bathing in pure water I look at the obituaries every morning and ain’t nobody listed but you eaters.
DICK GREGORY

Believe Breathe Human Light Live Morning Myself Sun
Once I realized the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.
DICK GREGORY

Goodness Laugh Myself People Value
The only good thing about the good old days is they’re gone.
DICK GREGORY

Goodness Past
If it wasn’t for Abe Lincoln, I’d still be on the open market.
DICK GREGORY

Myself Poor
When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.
DICK GREGORY

Funny Lost Money Myself Weapon
It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn’t stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.
DICK GREGORY

Black Dance Law Sing Talk Writing
The most difficult thing to get people to do is to accept the obvious.
DICK GREGORY

Acceptance Difficult People Truth
When you have a good mother and no father, God kind of sits in. It’s not enough, but it helps.
DICK GREGORY

Enough Father Goodness Help Mom Yourself
My belief is, you know, certain things have to be explained that’s never been explained.
DICK GREGORY

Belief Explanation Myself
I personally would say that the quickest way to wipe out a group of people is to put them on a soul food diet.
DICK GREGORY

Food Myself People Quick Soul
In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago, it’s a sport.
DICK GREGORY

Duty Place Right Sports Vote
Revolution ain’t nothing but an extent of evolution; Evolution is a fact of nature.
DICK GREGORY

Nature Revolution
My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.
DICK GREGORY

Death Live Mom Myself Yourself
If all you can do is judge a person by their appearance because you don’t have the spirit to judge someone from within, you’re in trouble.
DICK GREGORY

Appearance Deep Judgement Person Spirit Yourself
I wouldn’t mind paying taxes – if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
DICK GREGORY

Country Friendship Mindset Myself Pay
We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry because we didn’t think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
DICK GREGORY

Book Greatness History Thinking Victory Win
And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.
DICK GREGORY

Dance Love War
One of the things I keep learning is that the secret of being happy is doing things for other people.
DICK GREGORY

Happiness Learning Oneself People Secret

If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine off the market for six days, they’d have to bring out the tanks to control you.

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If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol, and caffeine off the market for six days, they’d have to bring out the tanks to control you.

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Popular Authors

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