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I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

Dick Cavett

The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show… Cops would come by – often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.
DICK CAVETT

Administration Eyes See Sight
I think we live in an age of increasing mediocrity.
DICK CAVETT

Age Average Live Thinking
I’m not all that enthralled by show business, and I’m not that much of a highbrow.
DICK CAVETT

Business Myself
A conversation does not have to be scintillating in order to be memorable. I once met a president of the United States, and his second sentence to me was about knees.
DICK CAVETT

Conversation Memorable Myself Order Sentence
History is not reassuring on the subject of the longevity of seemingly lasting great nations, is it?
DICK CAVETT

Assurance Greatness History Subject Union
Every time someone says, ‘You know, we really ought to get together,’ if I were really honest, I would ask ‘Why?’
DICK CAVETT

Honesty Myself Time Togetherness
It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.
DICK CAVETT

Himself Person Rare
If I were running a campaign, I’d urge taking the mountain of money reportedly squandered on pizza, coffee and bagels and spending it more wisely – on a talented young comedy writer.
DICK CAVETT

Campaign Comedy Myself Pizza Run Talent Wisdom Young
I’m not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn’t really bother me.
DICK CAVETT

Joke Myself Short Show Subject
I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you’re hungry for power.
DICK CAVETT

Eat Food Hungry Myself Power
I live a sensible life. You know, I don’t take on too much.
DICK CAVETT

Life Live Myself
Years have passed since I have set foot in a comedy club. If the comic is doing badly it’s painful, and if the comic is doing brilliantly, it’s extremely painful.
DICK CAVETT

Brilliant Comedy Foot Myself Pain Time
Radio, which was a much better medium than television will ever be, was easy and pleasant to listen to. Your mind filled automatically with images.
DICK CAVETT

Better Image Listening Medium Mindset Television Yourself
Why are sex and violence always linked? I’m afraid they’ll blur together in people’s minds – sexandviolence – until we can’t tell them apart. I expect to hear a newscaster say, “The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.”
DICK CAVETT

Afraid Mindset Myself People Police Sex Violence
Does anything show the complexity of the miraculous brain more than that weird curiosity, the sleep-protection dream?
DICK CAVETT

Complex Curiosity Dreams Protection Weird
In the main, ghosts are said to be forlorn and generally miserable, if not downright depressed. The jolly ghost is rare.
DICK CAVETT

Depression Ghost Misery Rare
An effective speaker can do more damage or more good in a well-stated minute than an angry klutz could do in half an hour.
DICK CAVETT

Damage Goodness Talk Time
Unpleasant reading on the subject of anger tells us that there’s not really anything wrong with it. In limited amounts. It can even be a good thing. A pressure valve.
DICK CAVETT

Amount Limitation Pressure Reading Subject Wrong
I have never been converted to or even had much interest in spiritualism, occultism, Swedenborgianism or any particular religion. And I never, except occasionally for a laugh, visit the quacks who call themselves psychics.
DICK CAVETT

Call Exception Interest Laughter Myself Religion
My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.
DICK CAVETT

Brain Intelligence Myself
There are online forms you can fill out to send to your lawmakers, demanding that nothing – nothing at all or in any way – be done about any guns whatever, anywhere.
DICK CAVETT

Form Law Online Weapon Yourself
It’s lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It’s lamentable that they get more from them than from the news.
DICK CAVETT

Information News Youth
There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say: ‘What’s your sign?’ Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated.
DICK CAVETT

Allow Day Violate
It was at a vividly bad time in Norman Mailer’s life that I met him, and a sort of water-treading time in mine. He had stabbed his wife, and I was a copy boy at Time magazine.
DICK CAVETT

Bad Life Magazine Time Wife
Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy.
DICK CAVETT

Oneself Performance Scene Show Tragedy
I don’t think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience’s reaction is from another.
DICK CAVETT

Audience Different Myself Reaction Surprise Thinking
I’m sure I’ve all but lost friends by maintaining that, despite their love for it, I always saw Stanley Kramer’s ‘It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World’ as more of an exercise in anti-comedy than humor.
DICK CAVETT

Exercise Friendship Lost Maintenance Myself

I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

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I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

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