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My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.

Dick Cavett

Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.
DICK CAVETT

Site Try Weapon Wish
Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.
DICK CAVETT

Comedy See Student
It’s no fun being a specimen.
DICK CAVETT

Fun One Liner Specimen
Why anyone, by dying, should thereby be declared beyond criticism, innocent of wrongdoing, suddenly filled with virtue and above reproach escapes me.
DICK CAVETT

Beyond Criticism Death Declare Escape Reproach
Music bypasses the brain and goes straight to the heart. I wish my life had more of it.
DICK CAVETT

Brain Heart Life Music Straight
Greatly talented performers don’t know – often spectacularly – what’s best for them, don’t know what their talents really are, and don’t know what’s just plain wrong for them.
DICK CAVETT

Best Dumb Great Talent Unknown Wrong
You can, after all, reduce the reasons for watching TV to but two: to be lulled, and to be stimulated. Some people do one sometimes, the other sometimes. Some people do all of one or all of the other.
DICK CAVETT

People Reason Television Watch
Can you picture yourself at the age 60 doing what you do now?
DICK CAVETT

Age Photograph Yourself
Sloppy language leads to sloppy thought, and sloppy thought to sloppy legislation.
DICK CAVETT

Language Leadership Thinking
I feel sorry for the poor kids whose parents feel they’re qualified to teach them at home. Of course, some parents are smarter than some teachers, but in the main I see home-schooling as misguided foolishness.
DICK CAVETT

Children Feeling Fools Guide Home Parents Poor Smart
Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy.
DICK CAVETT

Oneself Performance Scene Show Tragedy
Teaching is an art and a profession requiring years of training.
DICK CAVETT

Art Profession Requirement Teaching Training
I’m not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn’t really bother me.
DICK CAVETT

Joke Myself Short Show Subject
While other kids were out playing and doing healthy things, I read an ancient judo book with a neck hold that was fatal to so many people they finally dropped it from judo.
DICK CAVETT

Book Children Fatal Myself Neck Reading
It’s a tribute to the human brain that anyone is able to function out there on television in a talk situation that is entirely artificial.
DICK CAVETT

Artificial Function Human Situation Tribute
Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it’s hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.
DICK CAVETT

Comedy Need Resent Writing Yourself
Meryl Streep belongs on anybody’s list of greats.
DICK CAVETT

Greatness List Name
Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.
DICK CAVETT

Best Column Consider Home Myself Suspect
I always wanted to live in a haunted house.
DICK CAVETT

Haunt Home Live Myself
Every so often, there is an article saying the old kind of talk show isn’t possible now. In the oldest kind of talk show, you only had the choice of that or two other channels!
DICK CAVETT

Article Channel Choice Kind Old Possible
It’s lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It’s lamentable that they get more from them than from the news.
DICK CAVETT

Information News Youth
Anything seen on TV is, in a subtle and sinister sense, thereby endorsed.
DICK CAVETT

Promotion See Subtle
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
DICK CAVETT

Acceptance Financial People Profit Yourself
To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.
DICK CAVETT

Intellectual Label Myself Understand
Depression – it falls into that small category of things like combat that, if you haven’t been in it, you can say you can imagine it all you like. But it’s truly different.
DICK CAVETT

Category Depression Different Small True
You have to be on TV a surprisingly long time before you’re stopped on the street. Then, when you are, you get a lot of, ‘Hey, you’re great! What’s your name again?’
DICK CAVETT

Name Street Surprise Time Yourself
In the main, ghosts are said to be forlorn and generally miserable, if not downright depressed. The jolly ghost is rare.
DICK CAVETT

Depression Ghost Misery Rare

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.

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My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.

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