“The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show… Cops would come by – often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.”

I don’t see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty – and evaporating quickly.

I don’t feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn’t ailing.

The sudden death at 51 of James Gandolfini is intolerable.

The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.

Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

I’m sure I’ve all but lost friends by maintaining that, despite their love for it, I always saw Stanley Kramer’s ‘It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World’ as more of an exercise in anti-comedy than humor.

I find most ‘sacred music’ pretty dismal.

The trick to writing for people is, you have to be able to turn them on in your head. And know how they’d word something or how they’d inflect it.

Being the offspring of English teachers is a mixed blessing. When the film star says to you, on the air, ‘It was a perfect script for she and I,’ inside your head you hear, in the sarcastic voice of your late father, ‘Perfect for she, eh? And perfect for I, also?’

I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

A conversation does not have to be scintillating in order to be memorable. I once met a president of the United States, and his second sentence to me was about knees.

Great humorists are great insulters.

Greatly talented performers don’t know – often spectacularly – what’s best for them, don’t know what their talents really are, and don’t know what’s just plain wrong for them.

It’s not always easy to identify your own voice. It comes with time.

I would strongly urge the Donald Trump administration to pick someone who is completely apolitical, who doesn’t come out of the political process

The bonds of trust between the United States and Israel have been frayed, but even the hostility and disrespect the Obama administration has shown has not severed those bonds.

Wikileaks didn’t help confidence with American administrations because of conversations made public so easily.

The Obama administration has issued numerous orders essentially suspending deportations, prompting a major spike in illegal crossings.

You know, Democratic and Republican administrations alike have supported individuals and regimes that have slaughtered millions across the globe. And they need to be held accountable for that.

It is a base thing for a man among the people not to obey those in command. Never in a state can the laws be well administered when fear does not stand firm.

My dad was one who – he was nonpartisan, first of all. He learned to work with whatever administration was in office.

I think that there are a lot of law enforcement officers out there who work according to their own set of what is right and what is wrong. And that doesn’t always include respect for administration cops, you know, people that are higher up the food chain.