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I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.

Brendan Behan

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Marriage Sexy
Nothing hurts more than the friendly letter that one never got around to writing.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Friendship Hurt Writing
Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Contempt Jailer Prison
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can’t do it themselves!
BRENDAN BEHAN

Critics Eunuchs Themselves
I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Alcohol Drinking Two
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment… a place where you’re least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Funny Irish People Spiritual
You made one mistake. You married me.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Cynical Married Mistake
I’m a drinker with a writing problem.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Drinkers Problem Writing
What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Differences History Men
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn’t affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Saint Theatre Two Years
When I’m talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
BRENDAN BEHAN

People Talking Way
Scream at God if that’s the only thing that will get results.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Prayer Results Scream
There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Made Miserable Situation
If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Accepting Country Irish Limitation People
There’s no bad publicity except an obituary.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Bad Obituary Publicity
Pound notes are the best religion in the world.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Money World

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.

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I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.

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