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I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.

Brendan Behan

A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Hands Life Modern Toss
I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Alcohol Drinking Two
There’s no bad publicity except an obituary.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Bad Obituary Publicity
I cannot imagine any crime worse than taking a life, can you? -It’d depend whose life.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Capital Crime Imagine Punishment
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
BRENDAN BEHAN

May Results Tasks
That you, sister. May you be the mother of a bishop.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Humor Mother
When I’m talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
BRENDAN BEHAN

People Talking Way
In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company’s time and with its blessing.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Blessing Husband Marriage
Pound notes are the best religion in the world.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Money World
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it’s done, they’ve seen it done every day, but they’re unable to do it themselves.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Criticism Editors Funny
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Funny Marriage Sexy
Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Contempt Jailer Prison
There’s no one, no one, loves you like yourself.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Like Love One Love You
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Inspirational Irish People Psychosis
A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Inspire Men Role Models
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn’t affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Saint Theatre Two Years

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.

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I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.

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