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The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

Bob Saget

Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
BOB SAGET

Attack Cauterize Done People
Valuable people are undervalued.
BOB SAGET

People Undervalued Valuable
I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, ‘Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.’ It literally was a drive-by.
BOB SAGET

House Waiting Yesterday
The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
BOB SAGET

Hands Selfish Trying
I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Morning Thinking
I don’t like to drink alone ’cause there’s nobody to fight with.
BOB SAGET

Causes Drink Fighting
My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
BOB SAGET

Dad Dollar Funny Mom Sex
The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Interesting Thinking
Everyone I love I pay.
BOB SAGET

Everyone Love Pay
I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
BOB SAGET

Doorways May Stressed Unflattered
I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.
BOB SAGET

Biker Club Kids School
The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.
BOB SAGET

Children Secret Way
You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
BOB SAGET

Friend Learn Lying
I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.
BOB SAGET

Fleas Hurt Spider
I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they’re going to see it, especially her guy friends.
BOB SAGET

Aristocracy Guy Kids
I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.
BOB SAGET

Dressing Missing Salad Sauce

The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

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The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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