What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
BOB SAGETI like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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You learn who your friends are when you find out who will lie for you.
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All I’ve ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.
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I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
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A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
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I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
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I love my mom! You can too for $12!
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Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.
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If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
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It’s so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.
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My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
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When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.
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I will always prefer a hardback book, but I’m drawn to digital because it’s so easy to acquire them when I’m having a need-to-read moment.
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I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
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I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.
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It’s 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It’s enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren’t there that are alive.
BOB SAGET