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My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.

Bob Saget

It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
BOB SAGET

Long Okay People
What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
BOB SAGET

Car Girlfriend Kitchen
The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
BOB SAGET

Hands Selfish Trying
Kindness isn’t just a virtue, its a necessity.
BOB SAGET

Kindness Necessity Virtue
I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.
BOB SAGET

Interviews Littles People
Everyone I love I pay.
BOB SAGET

Everyone Love Pay
The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Interesting Thinking
When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
BOB SAGET

Hurt Love Pain Someone
Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
BOB SAGET

Behind Every Great Man Men Prison
I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.
BOB SAGET

Hurt Laughing People
Yet there are some people – Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he’s a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I’m doing it right now and you all seem bored.
BOB SAGET

Bored People Talking
I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
BOB SAGET

Baby Feet Pedicures
Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
BOB SAGET

Day Good Reading Sunday
I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
BOB SAGET

Doe Doors Nuts
My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.
BOB SAGET

Diapers Saint Wife
And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
BOB SAGET

Bird Country Cutting People

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.

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My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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