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What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

Bob Saget

The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
BOB SAGET

Hands Selfish Trying
I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Dirty Nuts Show Shows Television
Not a lot of people have done this. Stop It. This is why. You can cauterize your asshole shut, so when you fart it has nowhere to go and you can have a fart attack.
BOB SAGET

Attack Cauterize Done People
If you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
BOB SAGET

Hanging Negative People Two
I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.
BOB SAGET

Dressing Missing Salad Sauce
25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Crowds Screaming Something Sort Years
Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don’t eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
BOB SAGET

Men Saw Son Yelling
I become a chameleon for wherever I am.
BOB SAGET

Become Chameleon Whenever
That was not Bob Saget. His comedic style is definitely more twisted, and he has an edgier side than he showed in Full House.
BOB SAGET

Country Definitely People Showed
I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they’re going to see it, especially her guy friends.
BOB SAGET

Aristocracy Guy Kids
Bob Saget was known, in the comedy clubs in those days, as extremely funny but with dark humor. It was always an inside joke among comics, when he got Full House, it was, like, wow, hes playing this all-American dad kind of thing.
BOB SAGET

Dad Dark House
People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
BOB SAGET

Each Other Feed People
I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don’t want to make fun of people.
BOB SAGET

Acting Fun People
My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that’s how he dealt with my mom.
BOB SAGET

Clothes Dad Mom
The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.
BOB SAGET

Children Secret Way
It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
BOB SAGET

Long Okay People

What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

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What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

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