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I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

Bo Burnham

There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
BO BURNHAM

Country Funny Humor Long Met People
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
BO BURNHAM

Close College Comedy Going
People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
BO BURNHAM

Geneticist Giving People Real
I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
BO BURNHAM

Hate Love Person Reality Thinking
Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
BO BURNHAM

Best Laughter Medicine
Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.
BO BURNHAM

Crystals Funny Humor
I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
BO BURNHAM

Bullets Car Newspaper
What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
BO BURNHAM

Creative Funny Humor Life
At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.
BO BURNHAM

Feelings Thinking Time Years
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
BO BURNHAM

Broke Celebrate Happy Thanksgiving
Quotes are for dumb people who can’t think of something intelligent to say on their own.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Intelligent
There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.
BO BURNHAM

Certain Joke Lines Mind Poetry
What’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
BO BURNHAM

Internet Kings Pirate Song Try
We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
BO BURNHAM

Blue Country Moon People
The strength of comedy is I don’t have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.
BO BURNHAM

Answers Ideas People
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
BO BURNHAM

Asian Country People Persons

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

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I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

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