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My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.

Billy Crystal

When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Life Realizing Rest Want Your
Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Celebrate Children Easter Guess Jesus Peep
From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ghouls Saws Sids
I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Fifth Grade Growing Height
Dad had a music store, and he’d often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dad Home Style
The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Ashes Friday Passion
Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Clothes Differences Looks
You give up your dream, you give up.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Dream Giving Vision
In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Football Games School
I can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Feels Right Feet Humour
I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Happiest Heaven Life Thinking
A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Couple Laughing People
Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
BILLY CRYSTAL

News Puck Puff
Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Comedy Kids Scary
Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Golden Problem World
When we had the girls, my daughter Jenny gave us like a Bible from my daughter of, “Don’t feed them this; don’t feed them that, if she says this, don’t say that,” It was crazy!
BILLY CRYSTAL

Crazy Daughter Girl

My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.

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My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.

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Popular Authors

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