I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
BILLY CONNOLLYFame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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Don’t work out, work in.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
BILLY CONNOLLY