There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
BILLY CONNOLLYFame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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