When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
BILLY CONNOLLYFame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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If you give people a chance, they shine.
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Try to live in a place you like.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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