Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
BILLY CONNOLLYMy parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you’ve blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that… wrll, it’s because the national anthem is boring.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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