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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.

Billy Connolly

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Someone Waitin Witty
There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Dear Different Element Venue
Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Election Political Vote
Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Constitution Happiness Revolution Unique Written
There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Auditorium Fine Line Offened Tread
A mate of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said “her brothers got a moustache!”
BILLY CONNOLLY

Brother Funny Girlfriend Mine
I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Catholic Guilt Levels
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Kilts Looks Mcdonalds Quater
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Clothing Hate Rain Sexy
I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arms Loathed People Singing Single
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Round Swings Thinking
There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
BILLY CONNOLLY

Encouragement Fighting Safe Watching
A fart is just your arse applauding.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Funny Humor
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Days Reinvents Two
The more you know the less the better.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Better Knows Less More
There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anything Comment Figure Matrimony

Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.

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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.

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