I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
BILLY CONNOLLYSave the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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There’s nothing better than a fight, especially when you’re watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he’s a big Jessie!
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I was brought up as a Catholic. I’ve got A-level guilt.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It’s not a job or occupation. We’re here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY