I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
BILLY CONNOLLYWho discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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The more you know the less the better.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
BILLY CONNOLLY