I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
BILLY CONNOLLYI think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you’re a zombie. And you’re talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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I’m not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It’s something they reserve just for me.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. “Is this yours?” she asked “probably” said Paddy “she burns everything else”
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
BILLY CONNOLLY