I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
BILLY CONNOLLYI think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it’s folded.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
BILLY CONNOLLY -
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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Don’t work out, work in.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
BILLY CONNOLLY