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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.

Billy Connolly

I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Audience Differences Offended People You
I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
BILLY CONNOLLY

Adelaide Air Fly Pointed
I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Believe Jesus Teacher
If you give people a chance, they shine.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Giving People Shining
Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
BILLY CONNOLLY

Balls Enough Father Shout
I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Laughing Pose Say Years
I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Dog Doors Independent Stuff
Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Baby Bastard Purpose
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Afterward Comedy Looks Nuclear
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Someone Waitin Witty
I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it’s not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Acting Consuming Drawing Stuff
I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Desperate People Themselves Thinking
I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Huge Love Simply Thinking You
The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Patronishing Region Weather
I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Art Doodle People Speak Two
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
BILLY CONNOLLY

About Always Children Comedy Country

I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.

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I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.

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