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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.

Billy Connolly

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  If you haven’t heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.

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  [To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.

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  I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. … That can keep me awake for days.

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  It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.

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  I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.

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