Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
BILLY CONNOLLYThere’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.
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I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I don’t think I’ve ever died on stage. I’ve had jokes that died on stage. I’ve told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn’t know it was the end of the joke.
BILLY CONNOLLY