The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
BILL MAHERThe problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
BILL MAHERSex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHERLittle do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHEROnly a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
BILL MAHERHere’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHERThere is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
BILL MAHERI think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
BILL MAHERIn an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
BILL MAHERIn Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
BILL MAHERI don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
BILL MAHERIf Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHERI think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
BILL MAHERThe plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
BILL MAHERI feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
BILL MAHERIf you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHERYou can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHER