I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
BILL MAHERThe Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
BILL MAHER






