Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
BILL MAHERHot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
BILL MAHER