I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor – even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns.
BILL HICKSSpeaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
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It’s not a war on drugs, it’s a war on personal freedom.
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I’d worship the Jews.
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I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don’t know, and I feel it’s my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . .
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That’s faith in action folks! You know he’s got God on his side.
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Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that’s their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm… Sounds like… every commercial on television, doesn’t it?
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I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…
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Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you’ve chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You’re dead too.
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People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings…brings a whole new meaning to that phrase ‘You ain’t from around here, ar’ya?’
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No, I don’t do drugs anymore, either. But I’ll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I’ll tell you something honestly about drugs, honestly, and I know it’s not a very popular idea, you don’t hear it very often anymore, but it is the truth,
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There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue – those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS – but they remain strangely silent.
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.
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England, where no one has guns: 14 deaths. United States…23,000 deaths from handguns. But – there’s no connection.
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
BILL HICKS