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No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there’s Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Bill Engvall

The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
BILL ENGVALL

Older People Thinking
I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn’t help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here’s your sign!
BILL ENGVALL

Jacket Nope Replied Side Sign
I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I’m superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here’s your sign!
BILL ENGVALL

Glasses Men Phones Superman
I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process.
BILL ENGVALL

Application Believe Process Wanted
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people’s heads.
BILL ENGVALL

Invention iPhone People
I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Girl Humor Remember
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
BILL ENGVALL

Bus Doors Driver
And isn’t that weird? Think about this, when you’re born, you nurse on your mama.
BILL ENGVALL

Home Mean Nursing
The human brain doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
BILL ENGVALL

Brain Humans Instruction
I’ve come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid’s parent/teacher conference.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Kids Teacher
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations.
BILL ENGVALL

Gas Lasts Sides Stations
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Two
Ma’am, when I got up this morning, I didn’t want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Morning
The girl looked at me and said, Do you have a rabbit? I looked at here and said deadpan, Nope. Just like ’em ’cause they’re crunchy. Here’s your sign.
BILL ENGVALL

Crunchy Girl Locked Rabbit
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you’d say “My Bad!”.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny House Humor
You can’t tell somebody to kiss your ass on a scooter!
BILL ENGVALL

Ass Kissing Scooter

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there’s Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

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No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there’s Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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