So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEYIt’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Live comedy’s a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You’re only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
BILL BAILEY