Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
AL FRANKENTeen pregnancy went way down in the ’90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of contraception.
More Al Franken Quotes
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As someone who’s spent time with our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan on USO tours and met wounded warriors at Walter Reed and Bethesda,
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I grew up in Minnesota, where we treasure our tradition of civic engagement – and our record of having the nation’s highest voter participation.
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By best, I mean when I have a real sense of doing the right thing and doing good for people and the connected universe of everybody.
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We need to be pro-science; we have to go back to science.
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Russia has cultivated an opaque network of patronage across the region that it uses to influence and direct decision- making.
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If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.
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And terror is indiscriminate murder of civilians to make a political point.
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The civil rights movement was very important in my house, and then Vietnam was very important ’cause there were two boys, so I came of age during a very heated political climate.
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You see, they love America like a 4-year-old loves his mommy. Liberals love America like grown-ups. To a 4-year-old, everything Mommy does is wonderful and anyone who criticizes Mommy is bad.
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And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn’t take their advice.
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Part of the middle class promise is that, after a lifetime of hard work, you’ll be able to retire and enjoy the fruits of that labor.
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My parents were really political. The news was very important in our home.
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I’m from the Vietnam generation. I didn’t serve.
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Being a comedian, you’re under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform – to deal with pressure without stress.
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I don’t know what happens to you after you die. I’m not banking on there being, like, a heaven.
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