Oh, no, you’re kidding.’ I go, ‘No, I’m really honest.’
AL FRANKENI don’t consider myself an artist necessarily, but craftsmen or people in the arts, their spiritualism is sort of when you’re writing well or performing well or doing whatever you do well.
More Al Franken Quotes
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People who have severe mental illness are in Hell. People who have lost a loved one are in Hell.
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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
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Liberals don’t hate America. We love America more than Ann Coulter does. I love it enough to engage my readers honestly.
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My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.
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When the president during the campaign said he was against nation building,
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I’m sure I’ve devoted enough thought to Rush Limbaugh for one lifetime.
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There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. – you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong.
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Minnesota has a proud tradition of having two Senators on the Ag committee – a tradition I’d like very much to continue.
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You can’t change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.
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I know that it’s probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a public policy group or a politician.
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Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.
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That’s bad news for everyone else – and for our democracy itself.
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It is my fondest wish that in the fullness of time, the American people will look back on the Franken presidency as something of a mixed bag and not as a complete disaster.
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I didn’t realize he meant our nation.
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If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it’d be a travesty.
AL FRANKEN






