Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
AL FRANKENI once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’
More Al Franken Quotes
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If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces.
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Well, I think that there’s a value to comedy in and of itself.
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When the Constitution was written, the founders had no way of anticipating the new technologies that would evolve in the coming centuries.
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I believe in not attacking a country pre-emptively unless you’re sure of what you’re doing and you’re working with allies.
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And when you hit him, he runs to the teacher and says, ‘Teacher, sue him.’
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Net neutrality isn’t a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.
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Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers…
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Call-time has renewed my faith in the need for public financing of elections. Call-time is where I as the candidate, sit in a room with my “call-time manager,” and a phone. Then I call people and ask them for money. For hours. Apparently, I’m really good at it.
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Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate.
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At ‘SNL,’ I wrote political stuff, but I never felt the show should have an axe to grind. But when I left in ’95, I could let my own beliefs out.
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I got interested in politics during the civil rights movement and then Vietnam.
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The nature of the Internet and the importance of net neutrality is that innovation can come from everyone.
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The Founders who crafted our Constitution and Bill of Rights were careful to draft a Constitution of limited powers.
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Why don’t we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children, and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.
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During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian.
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