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I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’

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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
AL FRANKEN

Masturbate Mistake Okay Today Want Written
If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces.
AL FRANKEN

Arm Believe Day Force Liberal Root Soldier Troop
Well, I think that there’s a value to comedy in and of itself.
AL FRANKEN

Comedy Itself Think Value Well
When the Constitution was written, the founders had no way of anticipating the new technologies that would evolve in the coming centuries.
AL FRANKEN

Anticipate Century Coming Constitution Evolve Founder New Technology Way Written
I believe in not attacking a country pre-emptively unless you’re sure of what you’re doing and you’re working with allies.
AL FRANKEN

Allie Attack Believe Country Doing Sure Unless Work
And when you hit him, he runs to the teacher and says, ‘Teacher, sue him.’
AL FRANKEN

Him Hit Run Say Sue Teacher When
Net neutrality isn’t a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.
AL FRANKEN

Colleague Government Interest Many Republican
Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers…
AL FRANKEN

Call Here Media Most
Call-time has renewed my faith in the need for public financing of elections. Call-time is where I as the candidate, sit in a room with my “call-time manager,” and a phone. Then I call people and ask them for money. For hours. Apparently, I’m really good at it.
AL FRANKEN

Ask Call Candidate Election Faith Finance Manage Money Need People Phone Public Renew Room Time
Yeah, we shot ourselves in the foot right out of the gate.
AL FRANKEN

Feet Foot Gate Guy Ourselves Right Shot Year
At ‘SNL,’ I wrote political stuff, but I never felt the show should have an axe to grind. But when I left in ’95, I could let my own beliefs out.
AL FRANKEN

Axe Belief Felt Grind Left Out Own Political Snow Stuff Wrote
I got interested in politics during the civil rights movement and then Vietnam.
AL FRANKEN

Civil Country During Interest Movement Political Right
The nature of the Internet and the importance of net neutrality is that innovation can come from everyone.
AL FRANKEN

Come Everyone Importance Innovation Internet Nature Neutrality
The Founders who crafted our Constitution and Bill of Rights were careful to draft a Constitution of limited powers.
AL FRANKEN

Bill Careful Constitution Craft Draft Founder Liberty Limited Power Right War
Why don’t we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children, and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.
AL FRANKEN

Bear Children Cook Country Do Focus Grandmother Pray Women
During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian.
AL FRANKEN

Career College Country Deferment Enjoy Military Student

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