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I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’

Al Franken

Call-time has renewed my faith in the need for public financing of elections. Call-time is where I as the candidate, sit in a room with my “call-time manager,” and a phone. Then I call people and ask them for money. For hours. Apparently, I’m really good at it.
AL FRANKEN

Ask Call Candidate Election Faith Finance Manage Money Need People Phone Public Renew Room Time
Medicare was established to secure that promise.
AL FRANKEN

Establish Medicare Promise Secure
There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. – you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong.
AL FRANKEN

Afraid Ballot Check Circle Mis-fill Our People Subset Tend Voter Wrong
I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.
AL FRANKEN

Attack Comedy People Personal Specialize
I do have a self-censor; everybody does, or at least most who are not pathological do.
AL FRANKEN

Censor Do Doe Everybody Least Most Pathology Self
Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.
AL FRANKEN

Bill Century Football Great Play President Touch
I’m angry at the right wing media. And by that I don’t mean the media is right wing.
AL FRANKEN

Angry Media Right Wing
Liberals don’t hate America. We love America more than Ann Coulter does. I love it enough to engage my readers honestly.
AL FRANKEN

Country Country Love Doe Engage Enough Hate Honestly Liberal Reader
The next thing I am doing is moving back home to Minnesota and getting involved in politics. I’m looking at a run for Senate in 2008, but in the meantime I am focused on knitting together the progressive network in the upper Midwest.
AL FRANKEN

Back Do Get Home Involve Move Next Politics Run Thing
I know that it’s probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a public policy group or a politician.
AL FRANKEN

Comedian Especially God Group Idea Policy Population Probably Public Satirist Support Year
Why don’t we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children, and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.
AL FRANKEN

Bear Children Cook Country Do Focus Grandmother Pray Women
For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
AL FRANKEN

Appropriate Downright Funny Joke Offensive Some Thirty-five Understand Writer Wrote Year Years
If you want a free email service that doesn’t use your words to target ads to you, you’ll have to figure out how to port years and years of Gmail messages somewhere else, which is about as easy as developing your own free email service.
AL FRANKEN

Develop Else Email Figure Free Gmail Message Out Port Service Somewhere Target Want Word Year
We love America just as much as they do. But in a different way.
AL FRANKEN

Country Different Do Love Mean Much Way Year
I ask the American people not to fall victim to disinformation. There are no death panels. The Affordable Care Act cuts the deficit.
AL FRANKEN

Country Cut Death Disinformation Fall No Panel People Victim
Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
AL FRANKEN

Masturbate Mistake Okay Today Want Written

I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’

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I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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