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There’s plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it’s a serious business.

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You can’t change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.
AL FRANKEN

Change Definite Everything Fingerprint Leave Secret Touch
And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn’t take their advice.
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Advice Big Certain Climate Coal Denier Doctor Food Other Paid Snack
I do personal attacks only on people who specialize in personal attacks.
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Attack Comedy People Personal Specialize
Minnesotans lost their jobs because the credit rating agencies didn’t do the only job they’re supposed to have.
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Agency Credit Give Job Minnesotan Rating Suppose
This is something I learned only too well years ago when I did a fundraiser for Pol Pot. A few years later I saw ‘The Killing Fields,’ and I’ve got to tell you, I just felt like a schmuck.
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Ago Felt Field Fundraiser Kill Learn Saw Schmuck Something Tell Well
I hope you realize, in a democracy, laughter is assent.
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Assent Democracy Hope Laughter Realize
Call-time has renewed my faith in the need for public financing of elections. Call-time is where I as the candidate, sit in a room with my “call-time manager,” and a phone. Then I call people and ask them for money. For hours. Apparently, I’m really good at it.
AL FRANKEN

Ask Call Candidate Election Faith Finance Manage Money Need People Phone Public Renew Room Time
When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.
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Advice Comedy Contradict Encounter Good Seemingly
Let’s not let the government sell us out. Let’s fight for net neutrality.
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Fight Government Net Neutrality Out Sell
Whining is anger through a small opening.
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Anger Inspirational Open Small Whin
And terror is indiscriminate murder of civilians to make a political point.
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Indiscriminate Make Murder Point Political Terror
There is – I mean – I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor.
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Coach Early Found Humor Indignation Little Mean Pulling Righteous Try
I don’t know what happens to you after you die. I’m not banking on there being, like, a heaven.
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Aftre Bank Being Die Happen Heaven
If someone hacks your password, you can change it – as many times as you want.
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Change Fingerprint Hack Many Password Secret Someone Time Want
Asking the question whether the mainstream media has a liberal or conservative bias is like asking whether al Qaeda uses too much oil in their hummus.
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Asking Conservative Human Liberal Like Mainstream Media Much Oil Question Thinking Whether
I’m a perfectionist and if I start making changes, I’ll never stop.
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Change Make Perfectionist Start Stop
Humor and seriousness are not in opposition to each other.
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Each Other Humor Opposition Seriousness
And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that’s funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there’s all kinds of advantages to it.
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Book Down Easy Fun Information Laugh Make People Think Understand Write
The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal.
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Conservative Country Liberal Media Money Much
The crash of 2008 was driven in no small part by unfair practices in the mortgage industry which led to many consumers being trapped in loans they didn’t understand and couldn’t afford.
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Become Crash Drive Industry led Many Mortgage Part Practice Small Unfair
When a company is able to establish a dominant market position, consumers lose meaningful choices.
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Choice Company Consumer Dominant Establish Lose Market Meaningful Opinion Political Position Year
I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’
AL FRANKEN

Ask Celebrity Couple Despite Fabulous Fresh Job Kep Month Once Seven Thing
My dad always told me to stand up to bullies, and Bill O’Reilly is kind of a bully, and he’s the kind of kid who hits other kids on the playground.
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Always Bullies Dad Hit Kid Kind Other Playground Run Stand Teacher
Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build.
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Build Conservative Conserve Fought Progressive Want Way
It’s really building Air America that I’m focused on, and for me, that almost only means doing a good show.
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Air Almost Build Country Focus Good Mean Only Show
After my varied and celebrated career in television, movies, publishing, and the lucrative world of corporate speaking, being a fellow at Harvard seemed, frankly, like a step down.
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Career Celebrate Corporate Down Fellow Frank Like Movie Publish Seem Speak Step Television World
They’re trying to pay for health care and send their kids to college, they’re worried about declining home values, they’re scared for a loved one they have serving in Iraq.
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Care College Country Decline Health Home Kid Pay Scare Send Serve Try Value Worry

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