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Yeah, but you need an experienced radio veteran who is a liberal advocate. And there just hadn’t been any radio that did that. And so they weren’t trained.

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You see, they love America like a 4-year-old loves his mommy. Liberals love America like grown-ups. To a 4-year-old, everything Mommy does is wonderful and anyone who criticizes Mommy is bad.
AL FRANKEN

Bad Country Criticize Everything Grow Up Liberal Love Mommy Powerful
If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it’d be a travesty.
AL FRANKEN

Ballot Even Myself People Travesty Vote
That’s bad news for everyone else – and for our democracy itself.
AL FRANKEN

Bad Else Everone Itself News Our Democracy
If you use a cell phone – as I do – your wireless carrier likely has records about your physical movements going back months, if not years.
AL FRANKEN

Back Carrier Cell Go Month Movement Phone Physical Record Wireless Year
When you win an election, what you really win is a chance to go to work for working families who need a voice in Minnesota.
AL FRANKEN

Chance Election Family Need Really Voice Win Work
It’s the Power of the Almighty, the Splendor of Nature, and then you.
AL FRANKEN

Almighty Comedy Nature Power Splendor You
Antitrust law isn’t about protecting competing businesses from each other, it’s about protecting competition itself on behalf of the public.
AL FRANKEN

Antitrust Business Compete Competition Each Other Law Protect
During the Reagan Administration, Bob Dole was present at a ceremony that included each living ex-president.
AL FRANKEN

Administration Bob Ceremony Country During Each Evil Include Live Present President
I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.
AL FRANKEN

Assure Country Nsa People Spy
There’s plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it’s a serious business.
AL FRANKEN

Business God Know Plenty Politics Room Serious
Asking the question whether the mainstream media has a liberal or conservative bias is like asking whether al Qaeda uses too much oil in their hummus.
AL FRANKEN

Asking Conservative Human Liberal Like Mainstream Media Much Oil Question Thinking Whether
Putin has had many positive experiences working with Western political leaders whose business interests made them more disposed to deal with Russia.
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He didn’t have a career as such; he was a printing salesman essentially for most of his working life.
AL FRANKEN

Career Essential Life Print Salesman Such Working
If you use Facebook – as I do – Facebook in all likelihood has a unique digital file of your face, one that can be as accurate as a fingerprint and that can be used to identify you in a photo of a large crowd.
AL FRANKEN

Digital Face Facebook Fingerprint Life Likelihood Photo Unique Use
There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. – you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong.
AL FRANKEN

Afraid Ballot Check Circle Mis-fill Our People Subset Tend Voter Wrong
By best, I mean when I have a real sense of doing the right thing and doing good for people and the connected universe of everybody.
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Best Connect Do Everybody Good Mean People Real Right Sense Thing Universe
During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian.
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Career College Country Deferment Enjoy Military Student
Anybody who deliberately propagandizes with lies should be held up to scorn and ridicule.
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And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn’t take their advice.
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Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.
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Bill Century Football Great Play President Touch
Humor and seriousness are not in opposition to each other.
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Each Other Humor Opposition Seriousness
The government must give proper weight to both keeping America safe from terrorists and protecting Americans’ privacy.
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Country Government Keep Knowing Privacy Proper Protect Safe Terrorist Weight
I want to reclaim ‘liberal.’ I’m a liberal, and I think most Americans are liberals.
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Country Liberal Most Reclaim Think Want
Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose.
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Political Purpose Terror Terrorism Use
Anyone with an Internet connection and a few dollars can obtain personal information they should never have access to, including a user’s date of birth, e-mail address, or estimated income.
AL FRANKEN

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I couldn’t think of anything less appealing than molding the minds of tomorrow’s leaders.
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We love America just as much as they do. But in a different way.
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