“People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made keenly aware of the cause of their declining property values.”

I know I have an awful lot to learn from the people of Minnesota.

For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.

Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers…

Anyone with an Internet connection and a few dollars can obtain personal information they should never have access to, including a user’s date of birth, e-mail address, or estimated income.

My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman.

I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.

I am a Minnesotan, and not just because I root for the Vikings and the Twins. I like the Minnesota-nice sensibility.

We need to be pro-science; we have to go back to science.

I think there are all kinds of different hells. It’s not a place you go to after you die.

I don’t think I’m an angry person. I think I’m a person who’s angry. I’m angry at the Bush administration;

I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. And I was. I was growing up middle-class in a time when growing up middle-class in America meant there would be jobs for my parents.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.

Why don’t we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children, and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.

And terror is indiscriminate murder of civilians to make a political point.

Most people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time – even when they’re wrong.

Demagoguery sells. And therefore, radio stations will put it on. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t do something else and also make it sell.

My heart beats as much as I can breathe.

Life is short, we never when it’ll be our last breath.

Power in firebending comes from the breath, not the muscle!

Each one of us only has so many breaths that we breathe in our lifetime. Make sure each and every breath is well spent!

Sick of tea? That’s like being sick of breathing!

What are the children of men, but as leaves that drop at the wind’s breath?

I heard every word you said. You were breathing for me baby. Your heart beat for mine.

Your breath touched my soul and I saw beyond all limits.