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I want a president who can handle a cream soda.

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To ask whether the mainstream media has a conservative or liberal bias is like asking whether al-Qaida uses too much oil in their hummus. It’s – I think they might use too much oil in their hummus – but it’s the wrong question.
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The thing that interests me least about the radio business is the radio business. But I’ve had to learn a little bit about it. It’s not rocket science: You get ratings, that’s good.
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During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian.
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When you win an election, what you really win is a chance to go to work for working families who need a voice in Minnesota.
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Anybody who deliberately propagandizes with lies should be held up to scorn and ridicule.
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He [Newt Gingrich] is the most unpopular politician in America. His favorable rating is only four points higher than the Unabomber.
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I think Hell exists on Earth. It’s a psychological state, or it can be a physical state.
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My parents were really political. The news was very important in our home.
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The Fourth Amendment doesn’t apply to corporations.
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Net neutrality isn’t a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.
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There’s an element of that that’s either God-given, a talent that you’re not necessarily responsible for.
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People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made keenly aware of the cause of their declining property values.
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In my first week as a U.S. senator, I had the privilege of participating in the Supreme Court confirmation hearing for Judge Sonia Sotomayor.
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Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that.
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There’s going to have to be investigations, and an independent investigation, into the Trump campaign and the Trump administration’s relationship to Russia.
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Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers…
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